I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
