I got chris browned last night
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
vagina is talking i cant
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
