My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How's work?
Spinning.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
