if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
