You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
