I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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