apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and she was petting her beer can
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
