So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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