It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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