I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
