I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
