the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
