oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
