how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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