did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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