Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize