I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
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What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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