it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
