drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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