I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
