But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I wear drunk well.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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