I feel great
I just peed on a car
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
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A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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