Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
