As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
