none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
