I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
