dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
