i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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