Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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