Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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