I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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