Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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