Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
