ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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