Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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