I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
