just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
