Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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