Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
