I'm so fucking centered right now
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
