He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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