Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I FOUND THE LEGS
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
