My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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