i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
