Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
