I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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