I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
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Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
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I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
A bitchslap is in order.
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