covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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