i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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