Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
