I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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