The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize