just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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