I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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