Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
