Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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