Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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