boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
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His new job just became new places to have sex at.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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