The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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